For Our Babies' Sake
by Tigergirl1223
Summary: Set in season 2 after Claudia Joy and Emmalin leave the Hump Bar after the reopening. Claudia Joy arrives home and is missing Amanda. And a little secret she never told anyone. Rated K for talk about death and miscarriage.


**Dedicated to all my Brim lover friends! **

It had been a quiet ride home from the Hump Bar. Claudia Joy hadn't really wanted to go there but Emmalin had wanted to say goodbye to her sister one more time. Claudia Joy would do anything for her baby girl, her only girl left. At least she still had Emmalin. She couldn't imagine losing both children at once. She already had to tell Michael something she knew he wouldn't want to hear. She and Emmalin pulled up in front of their house.

"Thanks for doing this for me Mom," said Emmalin giving her a quick hug, "I know how hard this is all for you."

_"__You don't know at all sweetheart," _she thought, "Of course honey. If you need to talk, I'm here."

"Okay Mom," said Emmalin heading up the stairs. Claudia Joy slowly followed her daughter and headed into her's and Michael's bathroom. The last time Amanda had been in here was to take a pregnancy test. Good thing she hadn't been pregnant. She hadn't needed to lose a grandkid on top of everything else. She took the stick in her hand and started at it. She still remembered the conversation with Amanda how she was going to turn into a lovely young woman. And how she was glad the test was negative. You wouldn't have known that from the stick she was holding but it had been. Now Amanda hadn't been given the chance to grow up. Neither one of them would, "I'm so sorry baby." She clutched and sank to the ground in tears.

"Claudia Joy?" asked Michael coming into the bathroom, his heart breaking for her when he saw her. He knew this was probably the hardest on her. He looked at what she was holding. A pregnancy test with a plus sign on it, _"That's weird. I thought she said Amanda's was negative. Did she lie?" _Then he saw her rubbing her own abdomen. And he remembered she hadn't really been herself even before Amanda died. She had been constantly feeling under the weather. And then it hit him.

"Oh my…" Michael trailed off, "Honey are you?"

Claudia Joy looked up into his eyes not ready to burst his bubble, "No I'm not pregnant if that's what you're thinking. At least not anymore."

Michael's face fell. Not that the baby would've replaced Amanda, but it would've been a little happiness in a time of grief, "What happened?" he asked leading her to their bed.

"Well after you went to tell Emmalin that Amanda died…" Claudia Joy said so fast he barely understood it.

"Whoa honey slow down. Start from the beginning," he encouraged gently tucking her hair behind her ear, "When did you find out?"

"When Amanda had the pregnancy scare," she muttered softly, "I took a test with her to make her feel better."

"Okay. And?" he urged.

"I didn't look at it at first but when Amanda left, I realized I had missed a cycle and I was experiencing fatigue and nausea. I looked at it and saw mine said positive," she said, "I was going to tell you when I got back from taking Amanda to UVA."

Michael nodded, "Okay. And then the bombing occurred."

Claudia Joy nodded, "When you went to tell Emmalin that Amanda had died, I told the doctor to do an ultrasound. They said it could've been anything but it was most likely the tragedy my body underwent," Claudia Joy started to cry harder than ever, almost hyperventilating.

"Deep breath sweetheart. You're okay," Michael encouraged trying to calm her down before she had another panic attack.

Claudia Joy bit her lip to try to hold back more tears and grabbed Michael's hand, "There was no heartbeat."

The news hit Michael hard. He had the feeling it was coming but he still couldn't believe it. How could he have not known that his wife had been pregnant? He could've protected her more so she wouldn't have miscarried. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her head into his chest. He kissed the top of her head and rocked her, almost like he was rocking a small child. He rubbed her back soothingly, "It's okay sweetheart. I'm here."

"Oh Michael it's all my fault!" I killed two of our three babies in one night!" she sobbed.

"Honey, it isn't your fault!" said Michael sternly.

"How can this not be my fault?" She was hysterical now, "I should've just dragged Amanda out with me and not stayed and then they both would be alive."

"You don't know that. You never knew this was coming. There was nothing you could've done," comforted Michael, "And like the doctor said, it could've been anything. Maybe this would've happened anyway."

"The miscarriage?" she asked hesitantly. Michael nodded, "Oh God. What are we going to tell Emmalin?"

"Did she know you were pregnant?" asked Michael. Claudia Joy shook her head in the negative, "Then I think it's best if we don't tell her."

"Okay," Claudia Joy agreed, "For our babies' sake. It's just…"

"Maybe Amanda will be keeping her little brother or sister company," he said knowing the next thought in his wife's mind.

Claudia Joy took a deep breath and said, "You do know what to say to calm me down don't you?"

"Forever and always," he said, "You calmed down enough get some rest?" Claudia Joy raised her eyebrows, "I didn't say sleep."

Claudia Joy nodded, "Hold me," she pouted cutely.

She knew Michael couldn't say no to her pout and puppy dog eyes and lip, "Come here." He cuddled next to her.

Claudia Joy laid her head on Michael's chest and listened to the rise and fall of his breath along with his heartbeat. And they were both asleep within minutes,


End file.
